What can I look forward ?

I am so afraid that whatever I wish for, will not come through and worst I may have to face everything on my own.

Have I been too self centered? I know I clearly and intentedly think out of myself years ago, but events happened and I am reverted back to the shelf...
I dont want to be a hermit yet being a hermit does make me feel safer ...

Easy said than done

I want to have good things in life,
enjoy a comfortable and stable standard of living,
a happy, fulfilling relationship...
basically to feel more happy about myself...

Yah i know intellectually happiness is from within and although I am stable in making an income, generally ok by myself, I get depressed when I see myself isolated and alone... especially on weekends...it sucks. Of course I dont show it out, or reveal it, it makes me feel even more repressed...
Yes I do make a point to occasionally ask pple out on weekends... It just dont feel as good as if I were to spend time with someone more intimate/closer to me.

More responsibility at work

The HR department today send me an email of 5 new joinees as my career counselees...
Its quite overwhelming for me, since I am so busy myself...

Busy

Past few weeks have been very busy and hence very tiring. Its frustrating that clients keep changing their minds and irritating outsource vendors create more issues than problems.

I was really getting tired especially having no one to come home to or go to on a friday night and weekends...
Kinda got me depressed...

Love

Awaiting for new and final love of my life ....

I promise to treat her the best
respect her feelings
have fun with her
dress well for her
understand her
comfort her
loves her

Hurts

it hurts to see someone u loved dearly wrap up in another's arm...
it hurts if you have indirectly or directly cause someone you loved dearly into someone else's arm
it hurts to know you feel pain

Wish I can turn back time...

but I remember what the leaders @ my company shared recently as a seminar... once you make a decision, never looked back and wonder how things would be if you didnt make that decision and move on...

I do love the person whom I have lost and yet lives in my memory...